Somebody set up us the bomb!

Judas Iscariot
The story of Judas shows that everyone has their price. Once, a drunk biker sitting next to me at a bar was one coherent thought away from figuring out I had been fucking with him all night. For $100, I would have kept at it, urging him to “go talk to the blond bartender, I happen to know she has a thing for 300 pound dudes in tight leather!” A paltry 30 pieces of silver to effectively murder the Son of God sounds like a ridiculously low ball offer, but then again the Jews have always been famous for driving a hard bargain.

Marcus Brutus
The story of Caesar's death reminds us to never underestimate the power of peer pressure. It can make even the sanest of freshman drink a tabasco sauce-vodka cocktail, upside down and naked, while reciting the pledge of allegiance, all to gain the acceptance of complete strangers. Murdering your best friend and inciting a civil war is one hell of a way to get punk'd (which is still better than getting stabb'd).... it makes Ashton Kutcher look like a 3rd grader with a whoopee cushion by comparison.

Benedict Arnold
There were many reasons ol' Benedict switched sides, but it's funny that what really brought his piss to a boil was America's alliance with France. Being a former Army man myself, I have to admit I can sort of see his point. I can just imagine his thought process....“You mean to tell me that our key to victory is the French, who have never won a battle against anyone, ever!? Game over man, Game over!” It is almost always the French who end up acting like little bitches, so I can't help but to appreciate the irony.

Mata Hari
Her story shows how being naive can have fatal consequences. She was executed by firing squad during Word War One...supposedly she had been recruited by a charming German officer who got her to spy for him. Something just doesn't add up. German military officers excel at many things, but sweet talking the garter belts off exotic dancers is NOT one of them. You almost feel sorry for her, like the just-turned 18 year old girl who honestly thinks she is going to “just model”. There are many things worth dying for, but a g-string lined with singles is not one of them.