Culture Club

American
The first Americans thought it was perfectly ok to shoot people in the head so they wouldn’t have to pay tax on breakfast tea. Points for style, but that might be pushing it a bit. We won our independence by fighting an insurgency against the largest, most well trained military on Earth. This was the very same military that would have lost both World Wars if not for our help. Stupid Limey Brits! USA! USA! WE’RE 1! Woohoo! And we still don’t pay tea tax!

Latin American
The various Latin countries are, at best, a mixed blessing. On the one hand, they give us cocaine, malaria, and bloody civil wars waged by despotic dictators. But on the other hand, they also give us Brazilian waxes, top quality Cigars, and festive hats. You could also include soccer, as either good or bad, depending on your feelings towards effeminate men and/or masculine women (as the case may be).

Islamic
These boys just ain’t right. No pork. No alcohol. No looking at, talking to, or even thinking about women…it is strictly forbidden. I can understand that alcohol that can cause liver damage and women can be annoying as hell sometimes, probably even more so in 115 degree heat…..so I’ll give them that. But denying yourself the delicious goodness of Carolina-style BBQ, hickory smoked to perfection? No sir, these boys just ain’t right at all.

Japanese
You can’t help but admire any culture that gives you cute cartoon creatures and fully grown women in schoolgirl skirts. The world needs more of both, as far as I’m concerned. This is also the birthplace of both Samurai's AND Nintendo!! When you consider all the good things Japan has given the world, it’s very hard to get mad at them when they are driving 20mph below the speed limit in the fast line with their turn signal on.

Russian
Russians generally come in one of two types: functioning alcoholics and non-functioning alcoholics. Considering that native Russian cuisine is about as appetizing as Eukanuba, it’s not hard to understand that Vodka would be the preferred source of caloric intake. And if James Bond movies are to be believed (and I see no reason they shouldn’t), Russians are fun loving (hello, Bond Girls with Slavic accents!) and fairly harmless, with every single doomsday device they ever having such shoddy workmanship that even Hyundai wouldn't touch them.