Cartoons: Requiem

Sponge Bob Square Pants
Sometimes, cartoons characters are popular when by all rights, they really shouldn’t be. An ordinary, pre-formed rectangular synthetic sponge (sporting equally rectangular pants) would not have struck me as particularly entertaining. Said sponge performing menial duties as a fast food line cook sounds even less fun. Especially when the restaurant franchise contains the word "Krusty" in its name. But kids love him! I guess if kids can find a special place in their heart for deformed Ogre who’s only companion is a donkey, then why not a household cleaning implement brought to you by the good folks at Dow?

Bugs Bunny
I wonder how Bugs’s creator came up with the idea of a wisecracking rabbit with a Brooklyn accent. Whatever the method, it worked...brilliantly. He taught me not only that rabbits and ducks not only despise each other, but their respective hunting seasons vary wildly in time and length. Good ol’ Bugs, with his pragmatic outlook on life, gave everyone the best advice they will ever get, period. "Don’t take life too seriously, Doc. You’ll never get out alive."

The Little Mermaid
Apparently cartoon mermaids haven’t figured out how to keep their hair covering their breasts at all times (like Daryl Hannah in "Splash"), so the use shell bras. Kind of like the Red Lobster waitresses in this one re-occurring dream I have. But I digress. I find it funny that the people who go into thermonuclear meltdown over cloned sheep because it crosses a line that mankind was never meant to cross, are the very same people who see no problem in letting their young children watch a romantic relationship develop between a human and a mutant human/fish hybrid.

Skeletor
He-Man’s arch nemesis, Skeletor, seems to come right out of some sort of Barnes and Nobles "Evil Villains For Dummies" bargain book. Raspy voice?...check. Megalomania?..check. Incompetent henchman?...check. I do have to admit, though, that the ram’s head staff was a nice Satanic touch. And you have to admire the chutzpah of anyone who introduces himself as the "Evil Lord of Destruction", even if it eventually is the ultimate letdown.

Wolverine
The De Facto Leader of the X-Men is also my favorite. What is not to like about a 130+ year old man with a metal skeleton and huge knives that extend from his knuckles? The sideburns only add the ambiance. Well, I can think of one thing: he is Canadian. Canadian!! Dear God, all my childhood heroes are letting me down! First I see Captain Kirk making Priceline commercials, now I find out Wolverine is Canadian! What’s next, finding out that Spiderman has an extensive collection of Nazi memorabilia?